Time is a funny thing. Some days it goes slow, some days it flies by. There are moments when time can heal and moments when time can extend and even increase already anxious moments or excruciating pain. Through the years time has been all of those things for me. It has brought healing as it has provided ample experiences that bring happiness to my life.
Yet sometimes those sweet beautiful moments that time provides bring feelings of bittersweetness as I wish I could share them with my angel sister. No matter what happens with time it cannot completely overcome loss and grief. When someone loses someone or even something they love and hold dear there is always a part of them entangled in grief, whether it is an unconscious sliver in their minds or a daily companion.
For me I see grief like I see the waves of the ocean. There are many days when we can wade in the water and bask in the blue sky and sand, but there are many days where the winds blow and the waves crash over us. Over time the storms can lessen, but they still happen and often there is no telling when a wave might knock us down, especially waves that start as small and unsuspecting.
Today my sister would be turning 32 and I have no doubt we would be celebrating in some fashion whether together or worlds apart. She is a forever presence in my life, almost more so now than after she first died. As I get older and my family grows and my dreams and successes and failures and heartbreaks also grow I think of her all the time and the role she would play in my life and what our relationship might be like. Sometimes I laugh and smile when I think of what she might say or do in a situation and sometimes I grieve and wish she was physically here with me.
Today is a hard day and that is okay. Today is a reminder of a beautiful soul and a reminder to love deeply and have the faith to live life to its fullest. It is a day of sadness and a day of celebration of a life lived and love shared, and while today we celebrate worlds apart, I have faith one day we will celebrate together again and what a beautiful happy day that will be!
Today I choose to remember the good, to love better and deeper, to find joy, and to count myself so incredibly lucky to have an amazing angel watching out for me.
Happy Birthday B – xoxo